Unbalanced Attention

When my husband and I first considered swinging, we were very thorough in our discussion of pros versus cons. We sat down and riffled through every possible scenario we could think of. At the end of two hours, we'd gone from never having considered swinging, to realizing we were both thumbs up towards anything swinging might dish out. We had never been the jealous types, but now we realized that our lack of jealousy extended even further than we thought. Neither of us minded seeing someone else touch our partner- in fact, we both found the idea rather titillating. And we weren't alone. Our first forays into the swinging community showed us a world with more like-minded couples than we could have ever imagined. We were stunned to find that we weren't as subversive as we first thought. We joined a few websites, went to a few parties, and were soon feeling right at home.

We found out quickly that in the swing scene, it is one hundred times easier for a woman to get attention than a man.

Or at least, I thought we were. It soon became apparent that my husband and I hadn't thought of everything when we talked about swinging. We'd never considered that one of us might get more attention than the other. We considered ourselves equally good looking- both of us were in fit shape, with striking features, and had charming personalities. There was only one problem. One of us was female.

We found out quickly that in the swing scene, it is one hundred times easier for a woman to get attention than a man. I could walk into a swing club and instantly receive the attention of both men and women, while my husband was an afterthought- not because he wasn't equally attractive, but just because he was a man. Women most definitely have the spotlight in swinging- and it didn't help matters that my husband was naturally laid back. He didn't feel right being aggressive towards women- he was a gentleman at heart and preferred to let a lady show her interest first. And in a scene where most women were the pursued, not the pursuers, that didn't happen often.

Nor was he willing to just take the spoils of what I would rake in. He didn't want to just be along for the ride, stealing caresses and kisses that became his by default because someone wanted to fuck his woman. He wanted, and rightly so, attention in his own right. And he definitely deserved it.

At first, overcome by the amount of attention I was receiving, I was frustrated by his principles. Why couldn't he just relax and go with it like everyone else seemed to do? Why couldn't he just enjoy what was in front of him no matter how it got there? This was something else we had not planned on- egos. And mine, buoyed up by the flattery of so many couples we came across, was raging stronger than it ever had.

But eventually, the tables were turned. We met a couple that I wasn't thrilled with, but that my husband clicked with instantly. The female side of our new friends was fascinating, gorgeous, and smart as a whip, and she wanted my husband. The chemistry between them was unbelievable. And I, not attracted to her partner in the least, was left feeling sidelined for the first time since we'd begun swinging. It hurt. A lot. For the first time I saw what my husband must have gone through for months. I watched him get all the attention while I took a backseat. It's interesting to note- I still wasn't jealous of her touching him, or kissing him. What I was jealous of was the attention he was getting. I didn't like playing second best. I hated being on the fringes of the spotlight. And when I realized this, suddenly the floodgates opened and I understood just what he'd been saying to me for months. That night I cried when I told him I finally understood.

It didn't stop us from swinging, but it changed things for us. We no longer play with couples we feel an unequal interest from. They have to want both of us, or we don't want them. It makes our potential play partners much fewer but that's not a bad thing. We've also opened up our horizons to play separately as it is much easier to find two way chemistry than four. We've found new eroticism in coming home and telling each other how our outside dates have gone. But the rule is, when we play together, it is as equals. No one takes a backseat, and neither of us are less than the other. Marriage is, after all, made successful through compromise. Why should it be any different if you are swingers?

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